Just who the hell is “God,” anyway?
We pray, some of us—maybe not me,
specifically, but that really isn't a big fucking deal at this
point—our entire lives, multiple times per day, for something; and
I'm not talking about the fucking jackasses that pray for hot pussy
or luxurious mansions. No, I'm talking about the kind of fucking
jackasses that pray for love. For togetherness. For someone they can
faithfully trust, and who can faithfully trust them back. But, nine
times out of ten, what does “God” give those people? Jack fucking
shit. Instead, they're forced to live vicariously through their
jackass high-school Facebook friends—you know, the kind you're only
digital “friends” with because you happened to go to the same
high school, where you (or, let's be honest, maybe they) were never
treated as a friend but, instead, as a residing member of a lower
class on some bullshit prepubescent-asshole-constructed social caste
system?
Sorry, reliving high school there a
little bit. I digress.
The point I am trying to make is that,
despite what each of our beliefs may be, we are ultimately forced to
forge our own destiny. Many will disagree, but really consider your
life: what has your so-called “God” done, directly, that
has produced a positive outcome with regard to your life
specifically? They say “God works in mysterious ways.” It's a
little too mysterious, if you ask me. Drugs have made me feel better
than any sort of faith in a higher being I've ever had—and that's a
common fucking feeling. According to your personal set of beliefs,
please, explain that. Because if there is a god, he had to have
created drugs—any of them, really—with probable intent for us to
use, to consume, to indulge our fucking hearts out. But then
people—you know which people—demand that this is
simply a test, that “God” put these here simply for us to resist.
Well that's fucking bullshit.
The “God” I was always taught to
believe in, as a child (somewhat forced) into the Lutheran (Christian
Protestantism) faith, was a forgiving, understanding, and
nonjudgmental god. So tell me: why the fuck did he set all of these
god-damned (excuse the pun) traps for us, huh? I was never
directly taught that God is a conniving bastard, but, honestly,
through many of the “teachings” of the church... it kind of
sounds like he might be. At least according to those vile beings—you
know, the kind of people who greet you like a best friend within “the
Lord's house” but who inwardly condemn you for some abstract
fantasy of what could possibly construed in this fictional world of
theirs something relatively, but not too close, to something like
a sin. God forbid.
Here's the thing with me: if I'm going
to believe in a god, it's going to be a god I agree with. I'm often
asked, “What if you're wrong? What if you burn in hell for all
eternity because you disagree with God?” My answer to that is very
simple.
“If that is truly God's method—that,
because It (that's right, It; since this theoretical God has
no need to reproduce, It should have no gender, thereby
eliminating the “He” standard that seems to come by default as
the standard Christian's/Jew's/Muslim's pronoun for his/her higher
being) and I have different social/political/cultural/ethical
standpoints that I am destined to burn for eternity in Hell—then,
frankly, I am happy to do so. That is no god of mine.
“A god that condemns the gays and
tries to send shrimp-eaters to Hell? No, that is not my god. A god
that condemns small, innocent children to death, whether through war
or illness? That is not my god.”
Yet these things happen everyday. The
massacres abroad; the massacres here at home. This “loving, caring,
forgiving 'God'” not only allows but actually structures all of
this? This is no god of mine.
That's why I believe in a different
type of “God.” I believe in a god that resides spiritually
throughout the entire Universe. Dark Matter? That's God. Dark Energy?
That's God. Love? That's God. The random things that, while small,
completely perk up your day? That's God. God is more an energy than a
being. If it has a consciousness, it's one that we cannot
understand—it's one that works on an entirely different mental
plane than ours.
It is incredibly dangerous, I believe,
to think of “God” as an old, wizened, white-bearded man living
somewhere above the clouds. The Universe as we know it does not
operate like that: why should we expect its creator to do so?
Let's face it, people: we are one of a
kind. And, honestly, at this point, I wouldn't say the “good kind.”
We're just kind of... here. We're doing great things technologically,
sure, but, honestly, I'm not sure this “God” that you all believe
in would give a shit. It's how we treat other that matters. And that
is one of the few times you will ever see me agree with Christianity.
Proper Christianity. Because let's face it, most of you
fucking “Christians” do not fit the bill: you judgmental,
condescending, absolutely counter-fucking-intuitive phonies.
I want to believe in a god. I want to
believe in God. But I want to believe in a higher power that
circulates as a force, without judgment, serving as justice, as the
balance of good and bad, as the force that brings two complete
strangers together in the best way possible. I want to believe in a
higher power that circulates through the entire Universe, looking to
provide and achieve only balance, justice, and love. I'm sure It
would love my oxford comma. But I digress.
